“So, When Are You Having Kids?” Helping Fertility Clients Handle Uncomfortable Questions
“When are you having kids?”
“Are you trying?”
“Why don’t you just do IVF?”
“Have you tried relaxing?”
For someone navigating infertility or trying to conceive, even well-intentioned questions can be painful.
Family gatherings and celebrations can make these conversations even more common. As a fertility coach, helping clients prepare for uncomfortable questions can be an important part of providing meaningful fertility support.
Table of Contents
1. Why These Questions Can Be So Difficult
Infertility is deeply personal, and not everyone wants their fertility journey to become a topic of conversation.
A seemingly simple question about having children may remind someone of months of trying to conceive, unsuccessful fertility treatments, pregnancy loss, or uncertainty about whether they'll be able to grow their family.
Part of fertility coaching is recognizing the emotional weight behind these conversations instead of dismissing them as harmless questions.
2. Help Clients Decide What They Want to Share
Before entering a family gathering, encourage clients to decide how much they're comfortable discussing.
Some may want to openly share that they're going through fertility treatment. Others may prefer to keep their journey completely private.
There is no correct amount of information to share.
Helping clients make that decision beforehand can prevent them from feeling pressured to disclose something personal in the moment.
3. Prepare Responses Ahead of Time
Having a few responses ready can make uncomfortable conversations feel much easier to navigate.
Depending on the client's comfort level, their response might be as simple as:
“We'll share when there's something to share.”
“That's something we're keeping private right now.”
“I'd rather not talk about fertility today.”
They can also simply change the subject.
As a fertility coach, you can help clients find language that feels natural to them rather than giving them a script they don't feel comfortable using.
4. Support Clients in Setting Boundaries
Setting a boundary doesn't have to mean starting a confrontation.
A client might ask a trusted family member to redirect conversations, decide certain topics are off-limits, step away when needed, or leave a gathering earlier than originally planned.
Fertility support can include helping clients recognize that protecting their emotional wellbeing isn't rude or selfish.
They are allowed to decide which conversations they participate in.
5. Help Clients Navigate Unsolicited Fertility Advice
Along with questions often comes advice.
“Just relax.”
“My friend tried this supplement.”
“You should do IVF.”
“Have you thought about adoption?”
Even when comments are well-intentioned, they can leave someone feeling frustrated or misunderstood.
A fertility coach can help clients separate other people's opinions from their own fertility decisions and encourage them to bring medical questions back to their qualified healthcare providers.
Supporting Clients Beyond the Medical Side of Fertility
Some of the hardest parts of infertility happen outside the fertility clinic.
Knowing how to navigate family conversations, emotional triggers, and personal boundaries can make a meaningful difference in how supported someone feels throughout their fertility journey.
The Fertility Coach Academy teaches aspiring fertility coaches how to provide compassionate, ethical support through these real-life situations while understanding their professional scope of practice.
If you're ready to become a fertility coach and learn how to support clients through the emotional side of infertility, explore the Fertility Coach Academy.
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