Many women who get pregnant for the first time probably ask themselves, "When is the best time to announce my pregnancy?"
Most of us are probably familiar with the "12-week" rule, a long-standing social norm that suggests for women to keep their pregnancy a secret and share their good news only after the first trimester where they can celebrate and show off their baby bumps.
As a fertility coach and a mother of three who experienced multiple miscarriages, I really believe we need to come away from the stigma that pregnancies should only be announced after 12 weeks. The decision of when to announce your pregnancy is a completely personal choice, but I truly believe that women should not have to feel the pressure or give in to the messaging of waiting until you're "in the clear".
The best time to announce your pregnancy does not have to be after the 12-week mark. Here's why.
If you've been told you should wait until Week 12 to announce your pregnancy, here are three reasons why I think you shouldn't have to keep your pregnancy a secret:
Celebrate the good news with other people. Finding out you're pregnant is such exciting news! If you're experiencing pregnancy for the first time or you haven't heard this good news in a while, waiting 12 weeks can be agonizing! If you're looking forward to sharing that you're pregnant, you do not have to feel like you have to continue with the "norm" of waiting until you're in the clear. Being able to open up candidly about your excitement in the early stages is perfectly okay, especially for reason #2 below.
You give yourself permission to ask for help. The secrecy surrounding early pregnancy means that many women grieve alone if they experience a miscarriage. Miscarriages are difficult, and they require support at any stage. By giving yourself permission to announce your pregnancy before the 12-week mark, you can ask for support should a miscarriage take place. Some might prefer to navigate loss alone in private, but it's also a relief to have the option to be surrounded by ongoing support if you need it.
You can create a sense of community during what is typically an isolating time. Many women decide that waiting to announce a pregnancy until after the first trimester is the right choice for them. Now that I work with clients who have experienced the trauma of miscarriage, I encourage all women to candidly open up about fears, excitement, even grief to help them feel connected to women who might be experiencing the same thing and inspiring others to do the same. if you're hoping to meet other women who have experienced what you're going through, check out #IHadaMiscarriage on social media platforms.
The early stages of pregnancy do not have to be spent in isolation. You don't have to rob yourself of support should a miscarriage take place.
1 in 4 pregnancies result in miscarriage and many say "miscarriages are more common", but it doesn't take away the grief and loss women experience. Pregnancy is deeply personal. The impact and grief surrounding losing a baby is deeply personal. The decision of how, when, and if you share your pregnancy should also be a personal choice.
Need someone to chat with about your miscarriage? Please don't feel like you have to go through it alone. Book a free discovery call so we can figure out an action plan for your next pregnancy and sign up for my email list for free tips every week.